"When you say 'yes' to others make sure you are not saying 'no' to yourself." - Paul Coelho
When I first saw this quote really resonated with me. I realised that I had been doing this for years, without even knowing it! Looking after others had become so engrained in me, that I'd stopped asking what this meant for me.
This is why setting these 10 boundaries for a healthy life is so important. It allows me to live the healthy, happy life I want. I think we can all benefit from having healthy boundaries, not just if you've recovered from a chronic illness.
Now it's one thing to set healthy boundaries, but it's another to stick to them, especially if you are a known 'people pleaser'! However, you only get the benefit of them when you do live by them.
Boundary # 1 - Establish a healthy morning routine
I get up before everyone else so I can start the day peacefully. I begin my day with a meditation. The type of meditation I do varies depending on what I want to focus on, but it will include some focused breathing, setting an intention for the day and gratitude for what I have.
I have noticed such a difference to my state of mind since starting this practice. My mind is much calmer and I feel more focused on what I want to achieve during the day.
Boundary # 2 - Find an exercise routine that works for you
I've had to do lots of work on this boundary. I've really had to tune in to my body and ask it what it needs and what it feels comfortable with. I've discovered that my body is happiest when I stick to gentle exercise that doesn't raise my heart rate too much. I achieve this through walking and yoga.
When I push myself my nervous system gets over stimulated and I can feel it has moved into the 'fight or flight' state. This makes me feel agitated and I have to then spend time de-stressing myself.
I'm hoping over time I will be able to increase my level of exertion without it triggering this 'fight or flight' reaction. I know this will be a gradual process which will take patience!
Boundary # 3 - Listen to what your Mind-Body is telling you
This as such a big lesson to learn during my recovery from Long Covid. It got me well, and I now continue to listen, so that I can stay well. I know that the way I was living my life was a big contributor in me getting ill.
Scanning my body and looking for sensations within it allows me to know if there are problems that I'm not conscious of. If I discover something I ask myself are there any specific emotions attached to the sensation. If there are I explore them, as unprocessed emotions can stay stuck in the body and cause pain, fatigue and general dis-ease.
Boundary # 4 - Be okay with saying 'No'
This is something I've had to relearn. Before having children I'd learnt to do this, but then having children changed my ability to do so. I'd become so focused on looking after the needs of my children, that I forgot to look after my own needs. Learning to say 'No' to things again has helped to feel more balanced and in control. Looking back I realise that I felt irritated and angry quite often and I believe this came from saying 'Yes' to others and 'No' to myself too frequently. Back then I didn't have the awareness that I have now to realise what as happening.
Boundary # 5 - Make the choices that are right for you
Tune in to yourself and have the courage to make decisions based on what is best for you. Don't let worries of thinking you might be disappointing others influence your decision making. Continually doing this reaffirms to yourself the message that your needs are not as important as theirs. We definitely don't want to be sending our self this message!
Boundary # 6 - Prioritise time in nature
Being out in nature is my happy place. Everything feels lighter, my body, my mind and my spirit, when I'm surrounded by nature. I especially love sitting on the beach, close to the waters edge, listening to the sound and rhythm of the waves; walking in the woods feeling the connection to the trees, and being part of their community; being in a wildflower meadow observing the wealth of wildlife going about their daily business.
When I spend time in nature I feel part of something bigger than myself. I have found this feeling beneficial in gaining a healthier perspective on my life. Again this helps me to feel more balanced, healthy and joyful.
Boundary # 7 - Eat a healthy balanced diet
What this diet is has changed lots over the last few years. Now that I'm recovered I have settled on a largely plant based diet with a bit of fish. I have learnt that diet is very personal and you have to tune-in to your body to see what it needs. I also believe in the 80:20 idea, eating healthy 80% of the time is good enough and when you eat something that's not so healthy, enjoy it!
I don't have alcohol or caffeine as they over stimulate my body and make me feel rubbish! I also stopped eating gluten when I was ill, but I'm slowly starting to reintroduce rye and spelt, cos I love crusty bread!
Boundary # 8 - Don't hold stuff so tightly
What I mean by that is, trust that what is meant for you will come to you. That's not just sitting back and waiting for things to land in my lap. Instead when I'm working on something I decide what I'm going to do to make it happen, and if it doesn't happen, let it go, and move on to something else. In the past I would just keep pushing myself to make something work, unable to stop as I judged that as failure. This attitude was not helpful, and contributed to me getting so unwell. Hence I've changed it!
Boundary # 9 - Keep checking in with your thoughts
The thoughts we have are incredibly powerful and can greatly influence our feelings and actions. Our thoughts and feelings are so intricately linked. I now know that if I'm feeling blah, I'm thinking negative thoughts.
To keep mine in check I regularly analyse them to make sure they are helpful. If they aren't, I actively change them to ones that are helpful. I will keep repeating this new thought, so that it develops a new neural pathway in my brain and can replace the old negative one.
Boundary # 10 - Have a healthy bedtime routine
I'm very protective over my bedtime routine, because it works and I sleep really well! I go up to bed pretty early, about 9.15pm. I aim to be in bed by 9.30pm where I think of 3 things I'm grateful for and read until 10pm, then it's lights out. I often sleep with earplugs, as I find that if I can't hear stuff my brain switches off and I relax. I have my alarm set for 6.25am, so I can get up and do my morning routine in a quiet house.
Obviously there are times when I don't stick to this, but because I do the majority of the time, there are no problems the odd time I don't. For me sleep is an essential element in staying well.
For me staying happy and healthy requires me to commit to these boundaries. By doing so I'm honouring myself and letting my Mind-Body know that their needs are important to me. By living by these boundaries I am improving my life, but I'm also improving the lives of those close to me, as I am well and able to actively engage with them.
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