Climbing to the top of a mountain was a goal of mine. One that symbolised recovery.
As crazy as it may sound, I'm grateful for having had this illness. It has been a great teacher and I feel that I'm a better person for having learnt these lessons.
Having the belief that I could get better was the driving force behind my recovery. Even on the really tough days I knew that I could recover, but not knowing when and how was the difficult part. Having had post-viral fatigue when I was 18 gave me the confidence and evidence to know I would get better.
The following 5 lessons were key turning points for me.
Lesson #1 - To be kind to myself
I know it's a biggie to start with, but it's important!
Before I became ill I'd not given how I speak to myself much thought. I thought it was just the way I am and that was it. Then I started learning that how we talk to ourselves has a massive impact on how we perceive our situation and our ability to change that situation.
I had spent my life harshly judging myself and blaming myself when things didn't go to plan. I thought that if I spoke to myself this way it would motivate me to do better and not repeat the same mistake. I had no evidence to prove this, but I didn't question it!
When I was ill I had a huge amount if time on my hands to think about how I had been living my life. I realised, from research I was doing, that how we treat ourselves affects what our outcome will be. When you are constantly berating and criticising yourself it makes you feel worthless, and it's not motivating!
During this time I came across Dr Kristin Neff and her work on self compassion. Hearing about this work sparked my interest and I started becoming aware of how I had been speaking to myself. I made the commitment to change. When I started observing my self-talk I was shocked by how negatively I spoke to myself. I'd never speak to anybody else that way, so why was it acceptable to speak to myself like that? I decided it wasn't, so set about noticing each negative comment and then actively changing that comment for a kind, compassionate one.
I found this challenging in the beginning. It felt awkward and uncomfortable to hear these positive comments about myself. In the beginning I had to imagine I was saying them to a close friend, rather than myself. Over time it got easier and I felt more comfortable hearing them. Now I'm at the point where I find them reassuring and it helps me to feel safe. If I'm starting to feel stressed, talking to myself kindly is a great way of calming my system and allowing my mind-body to relax.
Lesson #2 - Believe in myself
"Your thoughts are incredibly powerful. Choose yours wisely."- Joe Dispenza
I have found this quote from Joe Dispenza to be so true. It's our thoughts that determine our beliefs. Having the belief that I would recover was essential. The medical professionals weren't really able to help me.
I had to hold onto the belief that recovery would happen, and to keep looking for the answers. I was the one who was going to heal me. I needed to dig deep and believe and not keep outsourcing my recovery. Even though this felt a big responsibility, it was also empowering and encouraged me to trust myself and listen to the wisdom from within.
During this process of finding the things that helped me to get better, I discovered that several years ago I'd stopped believing in myself. I'd been looking outside for the answers and not trusting that I was capable of finding them within. This created an incongruence within me which ate away at my confidence and self-esteem. When I became ill I was lost and out of touch with my true self. I'm grateful for the illness as it brought me back to myself.
To develop the strong positive belief that I could recover, I had to create strong positive thoughts. To do this I made myself aware of my thoughts, and if they were unhelpful I would reframe them into helpful thoughts. An example of this is when I started walking outside again, my default thought was "be careful, don't overdo it", but I changed that to "walking makes me healthy, walking makes me strong". This change of thought had a dramatic impact on the outcome of the walk. I was no longer perceiving the walk as a threat to my health. It was now improving my health!
Lesson #3 - You are resilient
I am a highly sensitive person, or an empath, and in the past I have seen this as a weakness. I have often felt that I'm not resilient as I can easily get overwhelmed by emotions and feel things deeply.
I have learnt that resilience isn't about how much you feel and how easily you get upset, it's about how you cope when life gets challenging. Even though I cried many tears throughout my illness, I kept going and kept looking for the answers. When times were tough I was able to look within and focus on the end result of being healthy.
Learning this lesson has made me feel more confident and capable of achieving my goals.
Lesson #4 - Your mind and body are connected
I think this has been one of the biggest lessons for me. I've kind of known this, but not been able to fully grasp the depth of this connection. Our physical health and our emotional health are intimately connected. Our body is continuously sending our mind messages, and vice versa.
It was a huge realisation for me that the feelings and emotions I'm experiencing can affect what is happening in my body. When I change my thoughts and the actions I take, I can change the physical sensations in my body. How empowering!
I was feeling very real pain and fatigue in my body, but I learnt that there were certain actions I could take that could reduce and even eliminate those symptoms. This felt like a revelation to me - there were things I could do that would affect my symptoms. I felt like had some control again, rather than feeling controlled by an illness that no one knew how to treat.
Learning about this connection really sparked my interest and lead me to train as a Holistic life coach and mind-body practitioner. The connection between our mind-body is so strong and for years has been dismissed. I believe understanding and working with this connection will enable many people to recover from illnesses that they have lived with for a long time.
Lesson #5 - Accept where you are
For much of my illness I fought it. I blamed myself for getting ill and my weakness as a person for getting long Covid. This fighting took much of the little energy I had.
I then learnt that if I could accept where I was and not fight it, I could use the energy I had for healing instead. To me, accepting did not mean giving in, it meant being okay with where I was without judgement.
I adopted the phrase "just for now", which enabled me to accept that the limitations that were being placed on me were temporary.
Once I was well again I would be able to do all the things I hadn't been able to do. Funnily enough, once I was well again there there several things I no longer wanted to do any more. They were not aligned with my core values and did not benefit and nourish me.
Having long Covid was a harsh way for me to learn these lessons, but in all honesty I'm not sure I'd have learnt them without something as life changing as this!
I'm proud to say that I'm kind to myself, I believe in myself, I'm resilient, I listen to my mind-body and that I accept where I am without judgment.
When I'm doing these things I have the strength and courage to make changes and take on the challenges in my life.
If this post has resonated with you and you want help moving forward and making changes in your life, please send me a message and we can start a conversation.
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